you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
