apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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