i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize