Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
