Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
