I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish you could order shots online.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
