Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
this is an emotional support booty call
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
