You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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