I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
