and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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