I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
