Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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