No awkward lesbian experiences without me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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