i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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