I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
