i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
