dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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