at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
