i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
