U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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