toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
