he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
