Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
