just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
