i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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