It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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