I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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