where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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