my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize