Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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