Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
