if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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