I didn't shave. On purpose
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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