he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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