so that wasnt chicken after all
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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