my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
