He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
