I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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