Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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