I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
