I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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