New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
