i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
