i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
