gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
