okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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