Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
