I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
