Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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