the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
