I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
