Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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