The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize