i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
