This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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