Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
