Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
