If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
