So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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