Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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