just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
