No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
