o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
