I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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