i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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