Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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