My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
