So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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