remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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