just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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