He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
