Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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