Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
