I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
